Dear Mr. Dad: My son loves video games and spends a ton of time playing on them. Some are sports games, but others are fairly violent war-related games. I’ve heard the warnings about violent games breeding violent behavior, and I’m worried. Should I be?

A: I certainly understand why you’re worried. Every time a new game hits the shelves, alarm bells start ringing all over the country. It sometimes seems that the entire city of Washington, DC is filled with politicians or pundits who have tried to connect video games to real-world violence. It’s a sure-fire way to gain political points and a reputation for moral crusading. But as with most crusades, the reality is more complex.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I are looking into “co-sleeping” with our new baby girl. When I told a neighbor of mine, she shook her head and said it was too risky and would “spoil” her, causing later behavior problems. What are the risks, the benefits, and what should we do?

A: Co-sleeping, or sleeping with an infant in your adult bed, is one of the many parenting ideas that has passionate advocates and just-as-passionate detractors. The two sides are usually framed in extremes, as if you’re evil if you do it – or evil if you don’t. Obviously, it’s not that simple. As you noted, it’s best to learn the risks and benefits so you can make an informed decision.

Although it has only recently re-entered the conversation in North America, co-sleeping is not some newfangled idea. Outside of the English-speaking world it’s the norm, and before the 20th century it was standard pretty much everywhere (although it’s worth mentioning that in many countries, people share a bed with their children because the entire family lives in a single room).
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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I have always been actively involved in worthwhile causes and regularly volunteer at an organization that helps disadvantaged people in our community. Our children are now eight and ten. Is it too early to teach them the importance of generosity, and how do we do it?

A: Congrats to both of you for not only choosing to be part of such a worthwhile cause, but also for wanting to grow the spirit of generosity in your children. Communities all across America need more people like you, especially since many of them don’t have enough funding to help those in need.

The simple answer to your question is that it’s never too early (or too late, for that matter) to teach your children about altruism and to lay the groundwork for a lifetime commitment to helping less fortunate than themselves. This is particularly important since they live in a “me” centered society, where far too many people put their own needs ahead of others’, or ignore other people’s misfortunes altogether.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My father died when I was a teenager and now that I’m a dad myself, I find myself missing him more and more. Of course, my children never met him, but is there a way to include him in their lives, to keep his memory and the wonderful lessons he taught me, even though he’s not here anymore?

A: For many of us, our own parents can be a constant source of advice, and without that sounding board—even if we swore we’d never be the kind of parents they were—it’s easy to feel lost.

Your dad may be physically gone, but there are lots of ways to keep his memory alive. The best is to talk about him often with your children. If you have an important memento, display it in your house and tell your kids why it was special to Grandpa.
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Dear Mr. Dad: Our kids are within the normal weight range for their age and height, but I’m the first to admit their eating habits are awful. I don’t want them to end up joining the epidemic of obesity. Should I be concerned? What should we do to be sure they avoid becoming overweight?

A: It’s great that you are asking this question now, before a problem develops. Reversing bad habits is always much more difficult than avoiding them in the first place. Childhood obesity is a serious issue that can lead to real health problems, including quite a few that used to be considered adults-only, like diabetes, liver disease, and hypertension.
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Dear Mr. Dad: Our three-year-old son is jealous of his new baby brother. My wife and I did our best to prepare him for the baby’s arrival, and initially, he seemed happy about having a sibling to play with. But now, he seems to be angry with us and aggressive toward the baby, throwing tantrums and shouting that he hates his brother. How do we handle this?

A: First, it’s important to understand that your older son’s outbursts are completely normal. Think about it from his perspective: For three years he was the center of the Universe and had you and Mom all to himself. Then, without even consulting him, you bring in someone who steals all your attention. Worse yet, the instant playmate he was hoping for turns out to be a blobby baby who does nothing but sleep, eat, cry, and poop. And to top it off, with everyone ooohing and aaahing over the new baby, your older boy is feeling unwanted and unloved.
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Dear Mr. Dad: I hear so much about the need for kids to have self-esteem and self-confidence, but I’m not sure how to go about instilling either one in my kids. They’re only four and six, so maybe it’s no big deal yet—but is there anything I can do now to raise confident kids?

A: Absolutely. It’s never too soon—or too late, for that matter—to think about your child’s future. But first, let me take a minute to hopefully eliminate some confusion. Self-confidence and self-esteem are related, but they’re not identical. Self-esteem is somewhat passive and has to do with how we see ourselves—what (or whom) we see when we look in the mirror. Healthy self-esteem is also crucial in developing positive attitudes and actions toward others. You’re much more likely to treat someone else with empathy and respect if you have a positive view of yourself.

Self-confidence is more active, and describes our willingness and ability to interact with the world around us.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My seven-year-old is a happy, well-adjusted, intelligent boy, but he still wets the bed almost every night. How unusual is this? Should we have him tested to see if there’s a medical problem, or is there something we can do to help him overcome this on his own?

A: Sporadic or continuous bedwetting is far more common than most parents realize, even long after daytime toilet training is completed. A quarter of five-year-olds still wet the bed. By age seven, it’s down to 20 percent, and by age ten it’s about five percent. That number keeps dropping into the early teens, and fewer than one percent of middle schoolers are still wetting the bed.
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Dear Mr. Dad: I’m really worried about my daughter. She’s a sophomore in high school and until the beginning of this year she was a happy, cheerful girl. Recently, though, she’s been losing a lot of weight and is always wearing big long sleeve shirts. She won’t show her mother or me her arms or her body. She’s also very secretive and spends a lot of time alone in her room. My wife and I are terrified that our daughter is cutting herself, and we’re both really scared for her safety. What can we do?

A: Okay, the very first thing you need to do is get a health professional involved. Unexplained weight loss, sudden changes in behavior, unexplained major mood changes and weight loss are all major red flags. Keep a detailed record of what you see your daughter eating over the course of a week, as well as any behavior that concerns you. Then, take your notes to your family doctor and get his or her advice.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My toddler (17 months old) has been biting his three-year-old sister at home for the past week or so. Now I’ve learned from his daycare provider that he’s biting other children there as well. She’s not happy about that, of course, and I’m worried they’ll kick him out. I’ve tried lecturing him and giving him timeouts, but nothing works. What can I do to help him stop this behavior?

A: First of all, it’s important to understand that biting is a pretty normal behavior for a toddler. Children often bite when they’re tired, teething, jealous, or just plain frustrated. And sometimes they’re conducting little science experiments, wondering what would happen if they bit something—or someone—new. It’s an odd (to us anyway) but pretty effective way of exploring and testing out the world around them.
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